Today I found peace. Which is a big deal for me. Especially since that peace came as I prayed my grandson through a medical procedure. The fact that this peace centered around him and his heart condition is even more amazing to me.
You see, in case you haven’t picked up on it yet, I tend to worry. Specifically when the well-being of my children (or that sweet grandbaby of mine) is threatened. I’ve been known to panic when I think one of them may be, or is about to be, seriously injured. My husband and kids can attest to this, and it’s not a pretty site.
The good thing about my panic mode is that it calls me to action, forgetting all else except saving that child. Comically, I’ve pulled off some rather amazing feats in response to those incidents that could have ended badly throughout the years.
Like the time I miraculously slid across the floor, on both knees, grabbing hold of my toddler just before he took a steep fall out the front door. Somewhere between dismounting from the bar stool and saving my toddler, I launched my full plate of food (which was sitting in my lap) straight at my unsuspecting brother. At the end of the fiasco, not only was he quite impressed with my mad ninja skills, but he was most certainly surprised to find himself wearing my dinner. Thankfully, he was a good sport about it.
The crummy thing about my panic mode is that it almost always leaves me in a state of tears, feeling emotionally spent. Even if my crazy antics (and no doubt, God’s beautiful grace) bring us to an acceptable outcome, I can’t help but consider what may have happened. Those lingering what-ifs wreak havoc on this momma’s heart.
Yes, there are times I am able to take my thoughts captive and push those what-ifs out of my mind. But at other times, they are a bit more stubborn and I’m a bit weaker, and I find myself back in that familiar place of worry and panic. A place that is anything but pleasant. It destroys my joy. It closes off the peace my heart so desperately needs.
As a woman of faith there is no doubt I love God, and there is certainly no question as to His great love for me, my children, and my grandchild. As much as I love Him, I still worry at times. And I hate that. But even though I worry, He remains faithful, patiently teaching me that He can, indeed, be trusted.
So do you know what I’m doing, my friend? I am learning to trust. To surrender these difficult situations to Him, even when — especially when — I’m scared they may not turn out as I think they should.
No, it’s not easy; but little by little, I am learning to trust. Guess how I know?
Because today, I found peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)