I unexpectedly stumbled across an old journal of mine. One I had started as a senior in high school, and had again picked up a few years later as a young married woman thinking about starting a family.
Its pages contained prayers I had forgotten I prayed. Frustrations I had forgotten I felt. Even the treasured details of my husband’s proposal to me so many years ago was penned within its pages. As I flipped through the small book, I was both amazed and surprised by the words and opinions voiced by my younger self. And I wished I had written more.
At times the younger me sounded so mature; my faith seemed so strong. Other entries left me sounding youthful and confused, undoubtedly struggling with the differences in what society expected of me and what God was impressing upon me.
I was searching for answers; trying to figure out life, attempting to find my way. Certain of some things, completely unsure of others. Doing the best I could with what little wisdom and knowledge I had accrued. Never suspecting there was still so much to learn.
As I look back upon those years, I find myself thinking about what is not written in that journal. How I married my high school sweetheart and moved out of state with him, breaking my momma’s heart (though she didn’t tell me for years). How, in the midst of all our fun and excitement, God allowed some tough circumstances to turn our hearts back toward Him, bringing us back home, closer to family and closer to experiencing the life He had planned for us.
I remember how God faithfully provided for our needs. How he placed certain people in our lives to help point us in the right direction. How he began to bless us with the family we had been praying for all along. How He was always with us – even when we had no clue He was there, and no idea how much we actually needed Him.
Yes, I am grateful I found that old journal. I’m thankful for the memories it unlocked. I’m pleased to have glimpsed the person I once was. And I’m blessed – so very blessed – in knowing how much God truly loved me then, and how He continues to love me now.
And friends, remember, I am no one special. God loves you just as He loves me. He is there for you, regardless of where you are in life. If you find yourself searching for something more, may I encourage you to search for Him? He is all around you. He is there for you. He loves you, my friend. He truly loves you.